Jeremy

I met you in April of 2012, Chris introduced us at C Lounge. All of the sudden we worked together and it felt like I’ve known you for way longer than I did at that point. Your condo was all the way down Queen Street, so you’d always stay over at mine after we went out.  You would get me a large fries and sweet’n sour sauce on our way home from the clubs. At some point the people at Mc Donalds knew us. We would get high and eat and bullshit about life. We never did anything. You never even tried to kiss me. But you told me how you felt. The next day we would stay in bed forever and just talk about everthing. Anything. Until we got hungry and went to the subway downstairs. And then we always shared a coldcut-combo footlong. You’d always keep forgetting stuff on my dresser… your wallet, your necklace, your ring. Tia always called you Jerome, because Jeremy didn’t sound black enough. One night we got home from the club same time that Tia and Steve got home and all of us were dry, so you got up and declared that you could get us green. At 4am. We thought you were nuts. You took Steve with you and went all the way up to Eglinton to pick up. I don’t know how or who. You called me on your way back and told me to open the door, so you could jump the cab. You got into fights for me. You were the best wingman. You made my life in Toronto what it was. You loved bullshitting people. You had ridiculous ways to make me laugh, even when I was mad at you. You would call me at random hours to tell me that you miss me, even if we’d just hung out. You’d tell me about the chick you just took home and how I need to come over and kick her out. You never took anything too serious. You loved your mother and always talked about how awesome she is. We’d have barbeques at your place, play pool and hang out in the hottub and just enjoy life. You knew I wasn’t going to stay, but you never questioned it either. I knew you weren’t okay. I knew you were lost.

We stayed in touch for a while after I moved away. You’d skype with me and Dallen all the time and he would call you Jermie or even Jamie. He loved you. I’d still call you in the middle of the night even if I had nothing to say. You slowly lost the ground under your feet. There wasn’t anything I could’ve done to help you. You hung around the wrong people. You slowly disappeared. I told you I was disappointed. You never acknowledged it. You were gone before you even left this world.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.

I miss you.

01.14.14